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Dennis Leary
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The Asshole Song
Lyricist：Denis Leary, Chris Phillips
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts
Beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job
I'm your average white suburbanite slob
I like football and porno and books about war
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar
But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man
Like me interested, no way
(Oh, no, uh, uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(Oh, yeah)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane
While people behind me are going insane
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, such an asshole)
I use public toilets and piss on the seat
I walk around in the summertime saying, 'How about this heat?'
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's the world's biggest asshole)
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's a real fucking asshole)
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong, nah
Find more lyrics at ※ Mojim.com
I'm an asshole
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's the world's biggest asshole)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself
A 1967 Cadillac El Dorado, hot fuckin' pink
With whaleskin hubcaps and all leather cow interior
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights
Yeah and I'm gonna drive around in that baby
Doing 115 miles an hour, getting 1 mile per gallon
Suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers
Yeah and when I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam containers right out the side
And there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can do about it
You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why
Yeah, two words, nuclear fuckin' weapons, okay?
Russia, Czechoslovakia, Romania, they can have all the democracy
They want, they can have a democracy cakewalk right through
The middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make a lick
Of fuckin' difference because we got the bombs, okay?
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen and when we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why? You ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off
The Duke's gonna be, I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti
And Sam Peckinpah and a case of fuckin' whiskey and drive
(Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know, you really are an asshole?)
Why don't you shut up and sing the song, Chris?
I thought I was the asshole all the time it was him, what an asshole
I'm an asshole
(I'm an asshole, he's an asshole)
I'm an asshole
(He's the world's biggest asshole)
A S S H O L E
Everybody, A S S H O L E
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it
(Asshole)
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